there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
