I wish i was in the wii world.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize