Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
