The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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