Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
