So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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