I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
