Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
