Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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