Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
