he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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