Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
