My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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