you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
