I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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