somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
