Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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