I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
