so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
