i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
