ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
