if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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