Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize