Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
