he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Randomize
