im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
