I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
