Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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