I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
