Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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