Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
