There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
