yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
