So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
