I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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