it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
