I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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