So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
