I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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