I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
