I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
