God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
