went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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