it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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