I hope mine doesn't look like that
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
