why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
