Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We were destined to go to rehab together
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
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