If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just had sex on a roof
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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