Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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