i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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