Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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