And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
