So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
