I wannas sexs uuuuu
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
