I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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