The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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