she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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