Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
