Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He better not be in your backpack
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
