I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
