I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
