almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
