I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
