that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
