dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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