Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
