I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
