so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
