When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
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i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize