I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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