i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
